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My Heart Weeps




Just returned home from my oldest daughter's Bridal Shower...
7 hours there...7 hours back... beautiful weather both drives.

Rode with my younger daughter in her car she bought from Fred Flinstone (small and low to the ground)... lots of tractor trailers on the interstate that caused her constant anxiety... It was nice to spend time with her, she is usually so busy these days...my heart weeps inside as I realize how independent she has become.

The party was on Sunday, we arrived the preceding Friday evening and stayed with the bride-to-be. It was a good to be back in my hometown... like the comfort of well worn slippers... it was a nice visit...I miss my daughter...my heart weeps inside seeing her again.

On Saturday we went to the bridal shop for a dress fitting... the wedding gown is stunning... the bride is young, full of life and would look beautiful wearing a burlap bag... her $40. shoes won't work... they are two shades off what they need to be and my daughter is disappointed at the thought of wasted money... she decides to wear them for the rehearsal dinner.

We stop at a second bridal shop to look for a shrug/jacket/ or wrap for me, the mother of the bride, to wear... no self respecting woman over 40 should wear a strapless dress without upper arm camouflage... We identify the perfect sheer bolero jacket...$30. sold! All that is left is the shoe issue for both of us...

30 minutes to rest... then off to a family get-together...
Dinner with everyone at dads... only it isn't dad's anymore.... he has been gone over 6 months now and walking in the house it feels like yesterday... inside my heart weeps... I miss him... it is good to see everyone.

Sunday...wake-up to uncontrolled emotions... today is my first-born's bridal shower... grandma was there for every prenatal appointment... every birthday... every graduation ceremony... it seemed so unnatural that she wasn't here today... I miss her... but it is Sam's big day... so I take some medication to calm my nerves and I attempt to look my best in a new floral dress my husband bought for me... it is a very nice party with a good guest turn-out... the bride-to-be has almost everything she asked for on her registry... she seems to have had a wonderful day...she was lovely and gracious.

Back to Dad's house... now my step-mom's house... I miss sharing the party details with him...inside my heart weeps... my brother, his new wife, my step-mom and I go to see dad's new gravestone... My heart weeps...inside and out... the visual is more than I can manage.

I stroll the graveyard alone...attempting to calm my emotions... I notice a newborn's headstone... a 40 something... a 68... a 94... 0 to 100... that's the general life expectancy... My spirit is calmed by a sense of natural understanding... I return to my family and we have a nice walking visit...

I stay with my step-mom that night...it is really good to have some 1:1 time...I am tired and fall asleep early... sleeping in dad's old recliner in the very spot he left this world for the next...I feel close to him and to heaven in this spot...

Monday morning 8am we are on the road home... the windows are down the sunroof open and the flinstone mobile is humming along at 65+... it was a good visit... inside my heart weeps... as I look in the rear-view-mirror...

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