With a heart filled with love and uncertainty about a future at separate colleges, geographically quite far apart... I permitted emotions and honest, heart-felt intimacy to over-rule logical thinking.
The day was a beauty... rays of sun found their way through the trees, to reflect off the cool water of the gently running stony brook that meandered through the lush green glen... I always felt nostalgic about the "Old Abandoned Cobblestone Mill" near by...
Like a ray of sunlight from the heavens above Samantha became a gift from God that day!
I didn't know till months later during my first semester at nursing school... nausea and vomiting gradually took over my days, making class attendance difficult. A dorm mate suggested a pregnancy test... the symbol on the stick looked like a (+).
The follow-up physician's visit and blood work confirmed that indeed, "I was going to have a baby"!
"What about Nursing School?"
"I am going to have a baby!"
"I am only 18..."
"I am going to have a baby!"
"The baby's father is far away at college... doing whatever college boys do..."
"I am going to have a baby!"
"I had a plan... high school (graduated 4Th in my class), then become a Registered Nurse, then join the Peace Corps... or the World Health Organization...travel to less fortunate areas of the world... make a difference!"
"I am going to have a baby!"
My parents, his parents, everyone was disappointed in me... including the boy who would soon be a father.
I was emotional and embarrassed. I felt demeaned for being, "Less than Chaste"... "Less than a Good Christian Girl".
People had many suggestions on the best way to handle this "sensitive situation"...
"I am going to have a baby! I had no clue how anything would work itself out... but I knew in my heart that this child was special... a gift... a ray of sunshine... to be cherished forever!
Many people close to my heart had much to share about "my situation"...
They said hurtful things...
"you have ruined your life"...
"this child would have a better life with more 'prepared' parents"...
"we expected so much more from you"...
"you must get married... it is the 'right' thing to do"...
Well... I guess I took a big leap off from that life pedestal!
Even nursing school was discontinued due to so many missed classes.
Life was pretty rough... but through it all there was one person who never judged me harshly... who never said an unkind word... who loved me unconditionally... she was and to this day remains one of the most "Jesus-like" people I have ever known... my paternal-grandmother, "Helen".
Grandma took me in... gave me a home with her... took me to every prenatal appointment...
Grandma assured me that, "women have been having babies for centuries and it was nothing to be upset about... no sense in crying over spilt milk... just move forward".
Grandma was always strong and always Godly... as time went on I accepted my new life... I took a job working full time at the local hospital as a Nursing Assistant... I took the four double flights of stairs multiple times daily to stay in shape... I rubbed pure cocoa butter on my growing belly 2 to 3 times daily as I gently spoke to, read to and sang to my unborn child.
During my last trimester of the pregnancy I moved in with the baby's father's family. He had transferred from his original college to our local community college, gotten a job in town and was really "trying to do the right thing".
His family was kind...
a "make-shift" room was set up in their basement where I slept on a custom, hand made, queen-size bed that my baby's father built for me.
We were so very young and immature... morally I believe we both wanted to "do the right thing"... whatever that really was we weren't entirely positive. We surely cared deeply for each other's well being and even truly loved each other for a time...
A "shot gun wedding" is what was pressured on us... I refused... I wanted more... I wanted to be the bride of a groom who truly was excited at the thought of spending the rest of his life with me... not a groom who felt like he should fulfill an obligation! My unborn child deserved more too!
Mothers Day May 1989...
I wept... my heart had been set on becoming a mother on Mother's Day... and yet... it wasn't to be. Daddy-to-be was kind and gentle that day... giving me a single red rose... he was a blessing and warmed my heart.
May 18Th, 1989
What a long day! We went to the hospital that morning only to be sent home... "not yet". Throughout the day the back pain got worse but I never really felt any abdominal pain so I refused to go back to the hospital thinking I would be embarrassed and sent home again. This was not the case... we returned that evening and my precious baby girl was born.
The moment the doctor lay her in my arms... I was overwhelmed with emotion, love and affection... her father and I wept openly clinging together at this miracle of life! She was perfect.
For the next several months I was quite over protective of my fragile gift from God...she was healthy and grew quickly...she slept in a canopied crib and truly was my little princess... her father and I did marry... with the help of our parents we set up a modest mobile home on his parent's land. At 18 months Samantha became a "big sister"... although she was much more like a "little mother"... Samantha made sure that Lorin was so well taken care of that she never needed to speak until she turned almost two years old. This had NOT been the case with Samantha... chattering nearly from the start... she always wanted to learn about everything... she knew all of her numbers, shapes, colors, alphabet and spoke in complete sentences when she was two years old!
In the years that followed many significant changes took place...
Through it all Samantha persevered... she has always shown a warm spot in her heart for both the elderly and the less fortunate...
She has has a clear and distinct distaste for crass, crude, extreme "left-wing" personalities or individuals prone to negativity.
She has an extremely "hard will" of her own, she is quite goal oriented and highly reliable in difficult situations...
Most recently she was a tremendous support during my father's (her grand father's) final days...
It is absolutely crucial that anyone who loves Samantha understands that beneath her armour is a fragile flower that requires consistent nurturing!
Just weeks ago Samantha walked down the aisle of a quaint beautiful college chapel to the soul moving musical notes of a gargantuan pipe organ... as her father gave our beautiful daughter away to be wed... so many thoughts came to mind... the day my father gave me away to her father... my grandmother's significance in her life... that special day... down by the brook near the old cobblestone mill when God sent her to this world...
Samantha has been such a "Ray of Sunlight" in my life... her strong-willed, creative, positive personality has only blossomed throughout the years.
During several of the lowest points in my life it was purely HER existence that forced me to find a way to persevere!
Samantha is truly a "Gift" to this world... I pray that her new husband cherishes "her essence"... her "heavenly ray of sunlight" as much as I have... as much as my grandmother did... as much as my father did... and as much as anyone who comes to know her continues to do.
I am blessed to have been chosen as Samantha's mother and thank God for her regularly!
The day was a beauty... rays of sun found their way through the trees, to reflect off the cool water of the gently running stony brook that meandered through the lush green glen... I always felt nostalgic about the "Old Abandoned Cobblestone Mill" near by...
Like a ray of sunlight from the heavens above Samantha became a gift from God that day!
I didn't know till months later during my first semester at nursing school... nausea and vomiting gradually took over my days, making class attendance difficult. A dorm mate suggested a pregnancy test... the symbol on the stick looked like a (+).
The follow-up physician's visit and blood work confirmed that indeed, "I was going to have a baby"!
"What about Nursing School?"
"I am going to have a baby!"
"I am only 18..."
"I am going to have a baby!"
"The baby's father is far away at college... doing whatever college boys do..."
"I am going to have a baby!"
"I had a plan... high school (graduated 4Th in my class), then become a Registered Nurse, then join the Peace Corps... or the World Health Organization...travel to less fortunate areas of the world... make a difference!"
"I am going to have a baby!"
My parents, his parents, everyone was disappointed in me... including the boy who would soon be a father.
I was emotional and embarrassed. I felt demeaned for being, "Less than Chaste"... "Less than a Good Christian Girl".
People had many suggestions on the best way to handle this "sensitive situation"...
"I am going to have a baby! I had no clue how anything would work itself out... but I knew in my heart that this child was special... a gift... a ray of sunshine... to be cherished forever!
Many people close to my heart had much to share about "my situation"...
They said hurtful things...
"you have ruined your life"...
"this child would have a better life with more 'prepared' parents"...
"we expected so much more from you"...
"you must get married... it is the 'right' thing to do"...
Well... I guess I took a big leap off from that life pedestal!
Even nursing school was discontinued due to so many missed classes.
Life was pretty rough... but through it all there was one person who never judged me harshly... who never said an unkind word... who loved me unconditionally... she was and to this day remains one of the most "Jesus-like" people I have ever known... my paternal-grandmother, "Helen".
Grandma took me in... gave me a home with her... took me to every prenatal appointment...
Grandma assured me that, "women have been having babies for centuries and it was nothing to be upset about... no sense in crying over spilt milk... just move forward".
Grandma was always strong and always Godly... as time went on I accepted my new life... I took a job working full time at the local hospital as a Nursing Assistant... I took the four double flights of stairs multiple times daily to stay in shape... I rubbed pure cocoa butter on my growing belly 2 to 3 times daily as I gently spoke to, read to and sang to my unborn child.
During my last trimester of the pregnancy I moved in with the baby's father's family. He had transferred from his original college to our local community college, gotten a job in town and was really "trying to do the right thing".
His family was kind...
a "make-shift" room was set up in their basement where I slept on a custom, hand made, queen-size bed that my baby's father built for me.
We were so very young and immature... morally I believe we both wanted to "do the right thing"... whatever that really was we weren't entirely positive. We surely cared deeply for each other's well being and even truly loved each other for a time...
A "shot gun wedding" is what was pressured on us... I refused... I wanted more... I wanted to be the bride of a groom who truly was excited at the thought of spending the rest of his life with me... not a groom who felt like he should fulfill an obligation! My unborn child deserved more too!
Mothers Day May 1989...
I wept... my heart had been set on becoming a mother on Mother's Day... and yet... it wasn't to be. Daddy-to-be was kind and gentle that day... giving me a single red rose... he was a blessing and warmed my heart.
May 18Th, 1989
What a long day! We went to the hospital that morning only to be sent home... "not yet". Throughout the day the back pain got worse but I never really felt any abdominal pain so I refused to go back to the hospital thinking I would be embarrassed and sent home again. This was not the case... we returned that evening and my precious baby girl was born.
The moment the doctor lay her in my arms... I was overwhelmed with emotion, love and affection... her father and I wept openly clinging together at this miracle of life! She was perfect.
For the next several months I was quite over protective of my fragile gift from God...she was healthy and grew quickly...she slept in a canopied crib and truly was my little princess... her father and I did marry... with the help of our parents we set up a modest mobile home on his parent's land. At 18 months Samantha became a "big sister"... although she was much more like a "little mother"... Samantha made sure that Lorin was so well taken care of that she never needed to speak until she turned almost two years old. This had NOT been the case with Samantha... chattering nearly from the start... she always wanted to learn about everything... she knew all of her numbers, shapes, colors, alphabet and spoke in complete sentences when she was two years old!
In the years that followed many significant changes took place...
Through it all Samantha persevered... she has always shown a warm spot in her heart for both the elderly and the less fortunate...
She has has a clear and distinct distaste for crass, crude, extreme "left-wing" personalities or individuals prone to negativity.
She has an extremely "hard will" of her own, she is quite goal oriented and highly reliable in difficult situations...
Most recently she was a tremendous support during my father's (her grand father's) final days...
It is absolutely crucial that anyone who loves Samantha understands that beneath her armour is a fragile flower that requires consistent nurturing!
Just weeks ago Samantha walked down the aisle of a quaint beautiful college chapel to the soul moving musical notes of a gargantuan pipe organ... as her father gave our beautiful daughter away to be wed... so many thoughts came to mind... the day my father gave me away to her father... my grandmother's significance in her life... that special day... down by the brook near the old cobblestone mill when God sent her to this world...
Samantha has been such a "Ray of Sunlight" in my life... her strong-willed, creative, positive personality has only blossomed throughout the years.
During several of the lowest points in my life it was purely HER existence that forced me to find a way to persevere!
Samantha is truly a "Gift" to this world... I pray that her new husband cherishes "her essence"... her "heavenly ray of sunlight" as much as I have... as much as my grandmother did... as much as my father did... and as much as anyone who comes to know her continues to do.
I am blessed to have been chosen as Samantha's mother and thank God for her regularly!
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