When last I wrote the world around me was consumed with "Hurricane Irene", and justly so. Many suffered significant damage related to the storm... and for that my heart is saddened for their loss. My local area has minimal damage to contend with and "the clean-up" is in process.
My "brain", my "thoughts" they come and go like most...I suppose. Today I awoke from dreaming about my brother. I have six brothers...four genetic brothers (one full/ three half), and two step-brothers (imagine the challenge the geneticist had trying to chart my pedigree)so let me clarify... I woke up from a dream about the brother I always knew existed... but have never "known". In the dream he and I were talking, it was the middle of the night and we were in the former home of our other brother. My heart was in his hand as I searched for some "common ground" to plant a seed that might bloom into a close sibling relationship...
He was upset and I was doing my best as his sister to comfort him, to listen, to assure him that I cared.
He said, "my lips are so dry... I need some chap stick"...
I always carry chap stick in my robe pocket so I fumbled around but could not find it... I truly provided no help with the smallest problem...
I woke up feeling melancholy.
Why should this sibling relationship be unlike any of my others???
Meaning...I am a well of emotional capacity, I crave family connection. I cannot "make" small talk well. I am a person of depth and connection... that is not to imply that I cannot make people laugh or have a good time... but me...I only know how to be "real". I love all of my siblings and I am certain they love me as well... but adjectives like "depth" and "emotional connection" are words that do not come to mind in describing our relationships (but one, that is beginning to grow). I earnestly wish it were different... and they all know I feel this way... Their lives are in a "fast forward" mode like most... add geographical distance and the general emotional reservedness of the male gender... it is what it is. I use to have several terrific, deep, emotionally meaningful connections with a variety of family members... now due to death and other life circumstances I am down to less than a handful. I am trying to learn to make these types of connections with people outside my family..."friends". For some reason this comes very hard for me... I would rather keep my friendships light, fluid, flexible and less "involved"... maybe because that is how I grew up... I had 14 biological aunts and uncles and many, many cousins...
The "silver lining" is that without a significant amount of "human connection" I have become soo much richer in my "spiritual connection"... my heart is filled daily with love, with kindness and understanding... I share it with those I can. On the days I struggle with life (there are many)... my belief... my spirituality gets me through.
Well...
The sun is shining today and I am ready to move forward with the day. I got up reached for my robe and guess what fell out onto the floor...
my chap stick!
My "brain", my "thoughts" they come and go like most...I suppose. Today I awoke from dreaming about my brother. I have six brothers...four genetic brothers (one full/ three half), and two step-brothers (imagine the challenge the geneticist had trying to chart my pedigree)so let me clarify... I woke up from a dream about the brother I always knew existed... but have never "known". In the dream he and I were talking, it was the middle of the night and we were in the former home of our other brother. My heart was in his hand as I searched for some "common ground" to plant a seed that might bloom into a close sibling relationship...
He was upset and I was doing my best as his sister to comfort him, to listen, to assure him that I cared.
He said, "my lips are so dry... I need some chap stick"...
I always carry chap stick in my robe pocket so I fumbled around but could not find it... I truly provided no help with the smallest problem...
I woke up feeling melancholy.
Why should this sibling relationship be unlike any of my others???
Meaning...I am a well of emotional capacity, I crave family connection. I cannot "make" small talk well. I am a person of depth and connection... that is not to imply that I cannot make people laugh or have a good time... but me...I only know how to be "real". I love all of my siblings and I am certain they love me as well... but adjectives like "depth" and "emotional connection" are words that do not come to mind in describing our relationships (but one, that is beginning to grow). I earnestly wish it were different... and they all know I feel this way... Their lives are in a "fast forward" mode like most... add geographical distance and the general emotional reservedness of the male gender... it is what it is. I use to have several terrific, deep, emotionally meaningful connections with a variety of family members... now due to death and other life circumstances I am down to less than a handful. I am trying to learn to make these types of connections with people outside my family..."friends". For some reason this comes very hard for me... I would rather keep my friendships light, fluid, flexible and less "involved"... maybe because that is how I grew up... I had 14 biological aunts and uncles and many, many cousins...
The "silver lining" is that without a significant amount of "human connection" I have become soo much richer in my "spiritual connection"... my heart is filled daily with love, with kindness and understanding... I share it with those I can. On the days I struggle with life (there are many)... my belief... my spirituality gets me through.
Well...
The sun is shining today and I am ready to move forward with the day. I got up reached for my robe and guess what fell out onto the floor...
my chap stick!
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